Thank God It's Friday...Maybe Not WhereYou Are This Is Yesterday

Like I said in my last entry it is not as easy writing here as it is in my personal journal.  I can say

what I want there and it is a lot easier to edit out stupid grammar mistakes and it is great practice

when I do write.  I am a writer but when compared to others I don't.  I was inspired by a many a

writer.  No I doubt I have 10,000 hours of writing even though I actually have journals that go back

years.  Those journals are based on what I call Monkey Mind Bullsh&*!  Like you I have a family

who should stand behind me and they do but it is what they do and their actions and inaction's that

cause my inaction's due to serious dwelling on things I have no control of which includes lessons

from my very bad past that I all ready learned from.  I might come back make a couple of sentences

out of  the previous one but due to the the work it takes to keep a double space I probably will not.  I


would like to say that I enjoy being a househusband but I don't.  What takes my wife seconds takes

me a few minutes what takes her a few minutes takes me a half hour.  Some of the things my wife

does fast like her method for doing dishes is great if we owned a dishwasher but depending who has


been over for dinner with various mouth disorders makes me retch at the thought.  My bathroom

laundry that I fold takes longer but looks more presentable if we had company that needed to use a

facecloth or a towel.

Next year I will be 60 at this time.  I don't feel it but unfortunately I look it.  I need to get published.

Yes having a blog is technically being published but when you blog as infrequently as I have who

would even know?  Some may look at what I have said because of my Twitter pages.  I have tons of

Twitter followers if you happen to read this because of Twitter please leave a message.  A narcissists

I might be but no harm will come to you for knowing me my head is not that big.  You have to be a

bit of a narcissists to be a writer and have at least the sign of an ego.  I could write a novel about me

or make believe it was someone else would you?  I have had quite a life but I don't have a legacy.  I

was bad,  my wife says I was a P which is the opposite of a C neither of which do I think makes for a

good title or a name to call a male or a female.  Just keeping you on the same page.

I have never traveled around the world but I have been all over this country and there I places I

 have not seen that I would still like to visit.  Last year I traveled to and through 26 states in 22 days.

I could have used this map by Kerouac:

I read "On The Road" before I took my last journey.  All I could think of on my way home was this

map as I drove through states I never been to before using the Northern route.

     

Hope You'll Be Seeing More Here As The End Of My 30's Is Near

As much as I wanted to rejoin my friends on the Mother Road/Route 66 in Joplin MO it was not in

 my best interest to leave my very humble home.  Those of you who know me know everyday is a

 struggle I do not care to admit to.  After a frightful fall down the front stairs of my home I felt as 

though that my 30's youth I boasted reminded me to cherish and to be grateful each time I made it to

unlock the door to the minivan in the driveway that has taken me from Revere Beach two blocks 

away from where I live to the parking lot on the Santa Monica Pier over three thousand miles from 

here.

Wow!  It is more difficult trying to make an entry on this blog versus writing in my journal where I 

should not be editing anyway.

Sorry for the sound of regret but I'll have to change the name of this blog to "60's The New 40's".  I 

need to stop putting off today or yesterday what can be done by committing to do some serious 

writing.  I can write you know.

I Have No Idea Of What To Do

As the age of 60 nears let me tell you even though emotionally distraught I still feel like 30 something.

Yesterday's writing in my other blog was a realization it takes much longer than making a journal entry.  Wish I could tell YOU everything that has happened since September 22, 2010.


After promising myself to start using my LLC by deciding to set up an office in my basement by January 1, 2011 that project held back by my Boomerang daughter who had much deeper problems as an actual 30 something who needed the room where my new office was planned to be built.    

My youngest daughter had a job at that time and was hanging in the basement with the man who she made her son with in 1990, my grandson.  This hanging in the basement was going on for quite some time for which I was in protest of and arguments of which nearly cost my marriage of 35 years at that time. 

The routine was, and varied by 2 hours, at or around 5:00 PM they would come in with a bag of food hang down there in the one room with 1 twin sized bed with cable TV.  They let the dog out to pee and poop until it was time for the father to take their son who was out and about to his mother's house near my grandson's school.

Keep in mind this was an unfinished room that was only meant to be available for a few weeks till this family of 3 found a place to live.

Now imagine 4 years of the above. 

No longer the bread winner I had no say nor a leg to stand on with my puny SSDI Check.

Then things changed.  I love change but what was about to happen could and did effect me in a very negative way.

My daughter started coming home alone.  Sometimes real early or real late.  The dog did not know whether to hold it in or wait for her master.  The dog's master was often too tired to take her loud barking dog out and one day jumped on the bed and peed to let her master know she had to go.

When weekends approached during this change more often than not one evening between Friday and Monday my daughter never showed up to let her dog out.    

No one knew about turning my future office into a kennel that was occasionally cleaned of her poop or pee.

No one saw what was coming my daughter eventually abandoned  her dog to go live with her new boyfriend.

I kind of became withdrawn from the events.  I was writing in my journal almost every day or up until the Monkey Mind Bullshit started flowing from my fingertips.  Speaking of tips the previous is just the tip of what was going on but basically Monkey Mind Bullshit.

Driving to California once again finally making it to a Route 66 festival on the desert in 2012 alone was a major break through for me not quite breaking out to be that writer.


 

I Really Enjoyed This Summer

The Highlight Of This Year Came During The Last Quarter Of Spring Which Had Nothing On This Past Summer.

I spent more time with my Godson this past Spring in total time since he was christened 18 years ago.


It was at my mothers passing that I mentioned to my nephew I would be taking a trip down Route 66 asking him if he would be interested in joining me this Summer.


I was pumped thinking how great to be able to take some serious pictures since driving and shooting pictures is not safe and seldom get what you're shooting at.


Touching base with my nephew was more of a chore than I needed to deal with while getting my mother's stuff in order even though her knowing she was passing made it a lot easier.


My wife had plans for while I was away and made it clear that she had arranged her vacation from work so that she could get some stuff done around here at the house.


My last trip to Route 66 which was solo but very rewarding in comparison to the very first trip, where my stress level was very high as my father in-law's pending death weighed heavy on my mind.


The last trip, I came home to a brand new kitchen floor.


What would have, could have and should have happened this trip never did, what ever it would have been.


Why?


I will take the rap because of guilt from not making much effort of being the greatest Godfather.

 
This lead me to beckon to my Nephew's wish to leave earlier than the date that coincided with my wife's vacation time.


I did not think this could or should have any bearing on what ever it was, my wife had planned while we were away.


Why did we leave early?


We left early because my Nephew knew it was hurricane season and Route 66 happens to be part of Hurricane Ally and I stupidly was up for it even though I am an adult.


As a matter of fact I was hoping to experience earthquakes when we finally got to Cali.


My biggest mistake was thinking that my nephew who had experienced his first year in college, was a fully developed adult.


Wrong!


Don't get me wrong I love my nephew now more like a son rather than a Godson, but he has a long way to go for adulthood.


From what your reading so far you think that about me, Don't You?


If any of you are familiar with polio you might find what I have to say about how sometimes us folk handle anger does not involve the physical but leaves the emotional something to be desired.


Since we left Boston it was getting more impossible to find stuff to talk about because my nephew knew everything and he was made me believe it.


Not!


Each mile that went by I wondered, how did this kid make it through his first year of college?


It was an accumulation of statements and contradictions which led me to finally have a polio attach in New Mexico after my nephew refused to believe the headlights were still on and the engine had to be on before the lights would turn off without the built in timer that would turn them off using the battery that I was trying to conserve if it made a difference or not.


I might have over done it on the apology as my nephew took it to heart when I said this trip is all about and for him which was evident in the Rout 66 attractions were not seeing leaning away from the guide book I took just so we would not miss what was out there.


For more on the trip please see the Route 66 Boston Blog because I want you to know why and get back my Summer was the best I had in a while.


We got back June 28 which left the whole Summer with lots to write and or shoot about.


I did a very bad job of watching my salt intake on the trip and needed to put myself on a diet which by the way worked,  losing 8 LBS, of course that was from doctor appointment to appointment because I put on an easy 5 LBS.


I made runs to Mickey D's mostly for the $1.00 coffee and if I ate their poison it was without hash brown & french fries.


I have not been near or at 240 LBS in at least a century; I did this while hanging at Revere Beach getting a tan.


I wanted to write but wanting to and doing is two different things as you all know.


I did however take lots of pictures mostly in and around here in Revere.


I needed that Summer to recover from my trip I just wish I wrote more about while it was fresh in my mind but as the highlights come back to me I get them back to you.

Of course your encouragement is always welcome and encouraged.







 

Is Waiting For The Plumber The Reason I'm Not Deficating?

Can't be that bad of an emergency if I had a choice of 3:00 this afternoon or Monday Morning!

Usually when my wife is in a panic about most emergencies I automatically take it down a couple of notches and worry less than her heightened reaction to the situation that she is displaying.

My pipes are not flooding the basement but I have to go there to defecate and not turn any water on upstairs; but my plumber the one of the two I talked to, who lives at home with his mother does not think it is an EMERGENCY?

The last emergency where these guy's where involved that I had; was when my fairly new oil burner died with at least a quarter of a tank of oil left or so it appeared. 

They came within a few hours since it was march and I don't know about where you come from but around her it is dam cold but thankfully we had a break in the weather as a warm front moved in.

It was a good thing for the warm spell because what was going to happen next was going to take a while.

These guys have a permanent contract gig with a Housing Project which obviously makes them complacent so they have this lets make a little extra on the side thing by servicing people like my wife and I.

When they came I let them in through the basement door and went to my unfinished office where it was heated with an electric space heater.

I left them alone because I know I would hate having someone breathing down my neck.


Some serious time had passed as they started out with cleaning the oil burner which should be part of  the regular maintenance that was couple of months over due.


I was busy working in my office but could hear them hard at work troubleshooting the problem.


After hours of laboring at the problem they both came to the conclusion that the oil tank was THE problem and had to be replaced.

I had no doubt at this time that they were correct in there conclusion.

NOW WHAT DO WE DO?

REPLACE THE OIL TANK RIGHT?

NOT SO FAST!

I'm very grateful that my brother in law told us about these guys BUT!

That was when they came in and gave our basement an updated bathroom sink and toilet that was done at the fraction of the cost YOUR plumber would have charged YOU.

It was time to make up for their losses.   

OK our oil tank was leaking right where the pipe that goes into that filter which then goes through to the oil burner.

We now had a choice.

Do we want to replace the oil tank with the same type or do we want one of these double lined German made Roth's?

Hey I know if we care so much for the environment what are we doing heating our house with oil?

We went with the Roth it takes up less space...that might have something to do with it hold less oil?

My concern was what was going to happen to the quarter of a tank of oil?

It would be taken care of along with the old oil tank disposal all included in the quoted price.

This was the best part of this whole part of  REPAIR: The Tigerloop Ultra.

The plumber's could not get this thing to work but managed to mainline oil to the burner overnight because there was a severe cold front coming.

So why couldn't we just let it run without the Tigerloop Ultra? 

The oil needs be filtered is what I was told and that makes sense.

Halfway through the job or when the oil tank was cut in half they realized the oil tank was empty!

The oil tank's gauge was broken!

Did we really need a new oil tank?

Is my leaking drain pipe an EMERGENCY?

 





 
 







 

 

 
 

Trying To Get It Back

This is trash on my Revere Beach left by foolish Little Piggies that should know better.

I love this beach and why do they trash it?  Can you see the State Provided Trash Can to the Upper Left of this Dunkin Donut Coffee cup?  How lazy have we become?

I know my previous entry to this blog was a little too much.

Summer is finally here my favorite part of the year to come down to the beach. 

If you came here the very next day the trash the Little Piggies left would be gone.  It would have been taken away by the Chain less Gang who do their Civil Service by walking the beach, getting some sun and fresh air while keeping the beach clean so the Little Piggies can mess it up.

The Summer is where I try to get back my ability to write something worth reading for you.

I just got back from a spontaneous trip to California by way of Route 66 with my Nephew who just finished his first year in College.

There is Nothing that will top off your first year of college like a Road Trip across this great country of ours.

Then there is what is already in your own back yard.

Revere Beach in foreground Prudential Tower in the haze over Boston.

As a teen I would spend the whole Summer on the beach.

This was where lost my virginity to a girl who was way too young to know what she knew about boys.

This is where I met the girl next door type who might have known a lot about boys but she held those thoughts inside.

This is where I had family; people who cared for my welfare who knew I had both parents back home who worried where I was.

This where I got permission to smoke cigarettes if I would just stay in for one weekend.

When I was a teen the legendary rides where here and Old rides were actually replaced with newer rides.

Now tons of people come here mostly on weekends and Holiday's and sit across and on where there were sub shops, ice cream stands the hippodrome, roller coaster, merry-go-round and what ever I forgot.

It was my beach then and it is my beach now. 

Pick up YOUR Trash Lazy Piggies.

Why Mother's Day Sucked For This Father

No matter how high I lift myself from my un-clinical depression I can always count on my kids to bring me back down a couple of notches.

If in my 30's like I wished I would have thrown my, 15 year old acting 34 year old, daughter's boyfriend off the deck of my house and would be writing this as I awaited pending murder charges.

This past Mother's Day had the best weather anyone could have asked for.

This day was perfect for my gift to my mother.

It was the day that I intended to honor her last wishes which was to scatter her ashes on Revere Beach.

I couldn't honor my mother's wishes to the T because two of her friends were too busy being honored by their  own kids.

The one thing I know she wanted was her three remaining children to be there.

One of the people she wanted there was the woman who she sponsored in AA for 20 years.

This lady 20 years sober was our preacher who quoted highlighted phrases that my mother chose long before this day from her 12 Step book from AA.

There were 7 people present 3 people from AA , her remaining children and my wife for this beautiful ceremony.

The wind was gusting perfectly for this day and now we can visit this spot and speak to her anytime.

It was what my mother wanted.

If my mother was buried instead of being scattered in the wind along Revere Beach she would have turned in her grave at what was about to happen next.

DO YOU WANT THIS CANDY COATED OR THE FACTS?

Every time I see or hear those words they are a reminder of what was said to me in front of my mother 2 days before she died.

Those words also remind me of how I myself seldom CANDY COAT what I have to say and this day was the day it kicked me in the ass.

I can't even imagine being my wife on her day, well this day anyway.

My wife works her ass off so I can sit on mine while I find a way to get off YOUR dime.

My kids all three of them are from the THE ENTITLED GENERATION while I'm from the Baby Boomer Generation with a little flaw, that of getting out of debt after spending way beyond my means to purchase my first and only home.

I'm not going to whine to anyone how Post Polio takes its toll on my energy that can only be described as trying to keep an old rechargeable battery charged.

The mental, especially when I go MENTAL, drains me; which prevents the battery from charging.

Both my wife and I are trying to lose weight although she is only10 LBS over my 55 LBS and the holidays slow any progress for either of us.

So off we went reluctantly to get some Chinese comfort food to take back to the house for the kids and us.

I felt emotionally sound after fulfilling my mother's wishes.

My son and his wife did not show so it was my youngest and oldest daughters who joined us on this special day.

My youngest a mother, who is now back home for a second shot at trying to get her finances back in order was there with her son without the man who was the cause of them now living the last of their days in their second try at their apartment.

I'm really hoping she will turn it around for her and my grandson who deserves so much more.

My oldest was there with her DWI pending boy friend who smelled and acted like he had enough to drink at his parents already.

My oldest was walking around with 2 bottles of wine that were given to us by the woman's husband who my mother sponsored in AA.

I was throwing a couple of jabs at my oldest daughter who believes in Karma that let her former boss hug and kiss her recently after he fired her without any grounds to do so.

DWI was getting loud about this because he did not understand my sarcasm as I was being a bit more graphic by saying she French kissed the guy who should have got fired for sexual harassment.

I noticed DWI was louder than past visits and smelling of alcohol before the wine which should have been my warning for my kick in the ass.

After letting DWI know where the wine he was chugging came from I went down the road of "You should go to a couple of meetings."

He went down the river of Denial.

I can not preach AA but when ever I see someone with THE problem I give it a shot.

We talked about movies which led DWI to reveal that my oldest daughter had 22 of my DVDs which seemed to concern him way more than me.

But these next revelation were about sink me below the level of my shoes.

After my wife finally sat to relax with us we talked about losing weigh.

My oldest daughter was telling us how she was on a cleansing diet that she intended to get back on knowing there was good probability that we would have Chinese food.

DWI who is thin and well built was praising my daughter on her efforts and how he could NEVER do it.

I'm thinking, "If you were as fat as I am you would have no problem doing what my daughter is doing"

Ideally I'm 55 LBS over, doctor wise 96 LBS and Metropolitan wise 81 LBS over weight thinking in my pea brain this gave me the God given write to call DWI Shallow Hal.

This was it... this was how he could show his love for his girl by finally agreeing to what SHE was telling him about ME all along!

He says to me you should apologise.

I'm thinking to myself, "I'm only kidding what is this guys problem beside being drunk?"

He insisted I apologise. 

Finally I did, thinking maybe he's missing something in the translation to English from Portuguese?

He insisted again 2 more times.

I lost all my composure and yelled this time and asked him to leave after refusing my apology.

My kick in my ass was not thinking of my oldest daughter who I should have apologised to.

On the way out the door I was told by DWI you are an "Ass Hole!"

Saying to my oldest daughter you are right he is an Ass Hole.