Thank God It's Friday...Maybe Not WhereYou Are This Is Yesterday

Like I said in my last entry it is not as easy writing here as it is in my personal journal.  I can say

what I want there and it is a lot easier to edit out stupid grammar mistakes and it is great practice

when I do write.  I am a writer but when compared to others I don't.  I was inspired by a many a

writer.  No I doubt I have 10,000 hours of writing even though I actually have journals that go back

years.  Those journals are based on what I call Monkey Mind Bullsh&*!  Like you I have a family

who should stand behind me and they do but it is what they do and their actions and inaction's that

cause my inaction's due to serious dwelling on things I have no control of which includes lessons

from my very bad past that I all ready learned from.  I might come back make a couple of sentences

out of  the previous one but due to the the work it takes to keep a double space I probably will not.  I


would like to say that I enjoy being a househusband but I don't.  What takes my wife seconds takes

me a few minutes what takes her a few minutes takes me a half hour.  Some of the things my wife

does fast like her method for doing dishes is great if we owned a dishwasher but depending who has


been over for dinner with various mouth disorders makes me retch at the thought.  My bathroom

laundry that I fold takes longer but looks more presentable if we had company that needed to use a

facecloth or a towel.

Next year I will be 60 at this time.  I don't feel it but unfortunately I look it.  I need to get published.

Yes having a blog is technically being published but when you blog as infrequently as I have who

would even know?  Some may look at what I have said because of my Twitter pages.  I have tons of

Twitter followers if you happen to read this because of Twitter please leave a message.  A narcissists

I might be but no harm will come to you for knowing me my head is not that big.  You have to be a

bit of a narcissists to be a writer and have at least the sign of an ego.  I could write a novel about me

or make believe it was someone else would you?  I have had quite a life but I don't have a legacy.  I

was bad,  my wife says I was a P which is the opposite of a C neither of which do I think makes for a

good title or a name to call a male or a female.  Just keeping you on the same page.

I have never traveled around the world but I have been all over this country and there I places I

 have not seen that I would still like to visit.  Last year I traveled to and through 26 states in 22 days.

I could have used this map by Kerouac:

I read "On The Road" before I took my last journey.  All I could think of on my way home was this

map as I drove through states I never been to before using the Northern route.

     

Hope You'll Be Seeing More Here As The End Of My 30's Is Near

As much as I wanted to rejoin my friends on the Mother Road/Route 66 in Joplin MO it was not in

 my best interest to leave my very humble home.  Those of you who know me know everyday is a

 struggle I do not care to admit to.  After a frightful fall down the front stairs of my home I felt as 

though that my 30's youth I boasted reminded me to cherish and to be grateful each time I made it to

unlock the door to the minivan in the driveway that has taken me from Revere Beach two blocks 

away from where I live to the parking lot on the Santa Monica Pier over three thousand miles from 

here.

Wow!  It is more difficult trying to make an entry on this blog versus writing in my journal where I 

should not be editing anyway.

Sorry for the sound of regret but I'll have to change the name of this blog to "60's The New 40's".  I 

need to stop putting off today or yesterday what can be done by committing to do some serious 

writing.  I can write you know.

I Have No Idea Of What To Do

As the age of 60 nears let me tell you even though emotionally distraught I still feel like 30 something.

Yesterday's writing in my other blog was a realization it takes much longer than making a journal entry.  Wish I could tell YOU everything that has happened since September 22, 2010.


After promising myself to start using my LLC by deciding to set up an office in my basement by January 1, 2011 that project held back by my Boomerang daughter who had much deeper problems as an actual 30 something who needed the room where my new office was planned to be built.    

My youngest daughter had a job at that time and was hanging in the basement with the man who she made her son with in 1990, my grandson.  This hanging in the basement was going on for quite some time for which I was in protest of and arguments of which nearly cost my marriage of 35 years at that time. 

The routine was, and varied by 2 hours, at or around 5:00 PM they would come in with a bag of food hang down there in the one room with 1 twin sized bed with cable TV.  They let the dog out to pee and poop until it was time for the father to take their son who was out and about to his mother's house near my grandson's school.

Keep in mind this was an unfinished room that was only meant to be available for a few weeks till this family of 3 found a place to live.

Now imagine 4 years of the above. 

No longer the bread winner I had no say nor a leg to stand on with my puny SSDI Check.

Then things changed.  I love change but what was about to happen could and did effect me in a very negative way.

My daughter started coming home alone.  Sometimes real early or real late.  The dog did not know whether to hold it in or wait for her master.  The dog's master was often too tired to take her loud barking dog out and one day jumped on the bed and peed to let her master know she had to go.

When weekends approached during this change more often than not one evening between Friday and Monday my daughter never showed up to let her dog out.    

No one knew about turning my future office into a kennel that was occasionally cleaned of her poop or pee.

No one saw what was coming my daughter eventually abandoned  her dog to go live with her new boyfriend.

I kind of became withdrawn from the events.  I was writing in my journal almost every day or up until the Monkey Mind Bullshit started flowing from my fingertips.  Speaking of tips the previous is just the tip of what was going on but basically Monkey Mind Bullshit.

Driving to California once again finally making it to a Route 66 festival on the desert in 2012 alone was a major break through for me not quite breaking out to be that writer.