Why Mother's Day Sucked For This Father

No matter how high I lift myself from my un-clinical depression I can always count on my kids to bring me back down a couple of notches.

If in my 30's like I wished I would have thrown my, 15 year old acting 34 year old, daughter's boyfriend off the deck of my house and would be writing this as I awaited pending murder charges.

This past Mother's Day had the best weather anyone could have asked for.

This day was perfect for my gift to my mother.

It was the day that I intended to honor her last wishes which was to scatter her ashes on Revere Beach.

I couldn't honor my mother's wishes to the T because two of her friends were too busy being honored by their  own kids.

The one thing I know she wanted was her three remaining children to be there.

One of the people she wanted there was the woman who she sponsored in AA for 20 years.

This lady 20 years sober was our preacher who quoted highlighted phrases that my mother chose long before this day from her 12 Step book from AA.

There were 7 people present 3 people from AA , her remaining children and my wife for this beautiful ceremony.

The wind was gusting perfectly for this day and now we can visit this spot and speak to her anytime.

It was what my mother wanted.

If my mother was buried instead of being scattered in the wind along Revere Beach she would have turned in her grave at what was about to happen next.

DO YOU WANT THIS CANDY COATED OR THE FACTS?

Every time I see or hear those words they are a reminder of what was said to me in front of my mother 2 days before she died.

Those words also remind me of how I myself seldom CANDY COAT what I have to say and this day was the day it kicked me in the ass.

I can't even imagine being my wife on her day, well this day anyway.

My wife works her ass off so I can sit on mine while I find a way to get off YOUR dime.

My kids all three of them are from the THE ENTITLED GENERATION while I'm from the Baby Boomer Generation with a little flaw, that of getting out of debt after spending way beyond my means to purchase my first and only home.

I'm not going to whine to anyone how Post Polio takes its toll on my energy that can only be described as trying to keep an old rechargeable battery charged.

The mental, especially when I go MENTAL, drains me; which prevents the battery from charging.

Both my wife and I are trying to lose weight although she is only10 LBS over my 55 LBS and the holidays slow any progress for either of us.

So off we went reluctantly to get some Chinese comfort food to take back to the house for the kids and us.

I felt emotionally sound after fulfilling my mother's wishes.

My son and his wife did not show so it was my youngest and oldest daughters who joined us on this special day.

My youngest a mother, who is now back home for a second shot at trying to get her finances back in order was there with her son without the man who was the cause of them now living the last of their days in their second try at their apartment.

I'm really hoping she will turn it around for her and my grandson who deserves so much more.

My oldest was there with her DWI pending boy friend who smelled and acted like he had enough to drink at his parents already.

My oldest was walking around with 2 bottles of wine that were given to us by the woman's husband who my mother sponsored in AA.

I was throwing a couple of jabs at my oldest daughter who believes in Karma that let her former boss hug and kiss her recently after he fired her without any grounds to do so.

DWI was getting loud about this because he did not understand my sarcasm as I was being a bit more graphic by saying she French kissed the guy who should have got fired for sexual harassment.

I noticed DWI was louder than past visits and smelling of alcohol before the wine which should have been my warning for my kick in the ass.

After letting DWI know where the wine he was chugging came from I went down the road of "You should go to a couple of meetings."

He went down the river of Denial.

I can not preach AA but when ever I see someone with THE problem I give it a shot.

We talked about movies which led DWI to reveal that my oldest daughter had 22 of my DVDs which seemed to concern him way more than me.

But these next revelation were about sink me below the level of my shoes.

After my wife finally sat to relax with us we talked about losing weigh.

My oldest daughter was telling us how she was on a cleansing diet that she intended to get back on knowing there was good probability that we would have Chinese food.

DWI who is thin and well built was praising my daughter on her efforts and how he could NEVER do it.

I'm thinking, "If you were as fat as I am you would have no problem doing what my daughter is doing"

Ideally I'm 55 LBS over, doctor wise 96 LBS and Metropolitan wise 81 LBS over weight thinking in my pea brain this gave me the God given write to call DWI Shallow Hal.

This was it... this was how he could show his love for his girl by finally agreeing to what SHE was telling him about ME all along!

He says to me you should apologise.

I'm thinking to myself, "I'm only kidding what is this guys problem beside being drunk?"

He insisted I apologise. 

Finally I did, thinking maybe he's missing something in the translation to English from Portuguese?

He insisted again 2 more times.

I lost all my composure and yelled this time and asked him to leave after refusing my apology.

My kick in my ass was not thinking of my oldest daughter who I should have apologised to.

On the way out the door I was told by DWI you are an "Ass Hole!"

Saying to my oldest daughter you are right he is an Ass Hole.















 

I'll Get My Blogging Legs Back Here!

I NEVER THANKED KATIE COURIC FOR THE NAME OF THIS BLOG.

Is there life after death?

There could be if you do what my mother did.

My mother planned what she wanted done with her remains 3 years before her passing which was this past February 17. 

Talking to her in the hospital I found all she was asking out of her life was another three years just making it to 77 on November 11, 2009 her birthday. 

What the heck? 

It was just pneumonia! 

She spent Thanksgiving of '09 in the hospital and recovered without complications.

My mother was healthier than most of the people I know including me.  This lady worked out with a portable oxygen tank because she did have emphysema.  Two weeks before her hospital stay she was trying to get her leg strength back pressing 225 LBS.

As healthy as she was with the complication of blood clots in her lungs and a DNR on her medical folder she left us with her remains.

As we picked through her stuff there was pedestal in the closet that nobody seemed to want.

I inherited the pedestal along with other stuff.

Some how or other I also was designated to take the urn.

From the first day seeing my mother in the hospital until two weeks later when she died I thought to myself this is the most time spent with my mother in the past five years.

Now there is not a day that goes by I don't think of her and how she was planning ahead even the end as I look at her urn on her pedestal. 






 



 

I Want To Start, Do Not Know Where To, Do Not Let Me Stop!

It has certainly been a while!

The only thing I care to to tell you is that you might not want to know where I  been.

My blood pressure has risen in the events of what my life has given me for giving or not giving enough to others.

50's being the new 30's brings with it some amazing shit.

When I originally married at 21 years old to my 20 year old wife in 1975 my idea was to start a family right then and there so when we were 50 we could jump in our RV and see the USA.

Of course you know the story never goes the way you plan no matter how smart you think you are and I was of course a freeking genius.  NOT!

In the 70's I was DRIVEN to prove to my peers that I was equal physically and eventually would Walk Off muscle atrophy in my left leg from Polio and Scoliosis in my back.

I was fortunate according to a UMass Boston Professor who many years later said to me, "I though you broke your leg, polio would have been rough for you if you were not as handsome as you are."

Getting a Degree was supposed to get me off of the states disability payroll not realizing at the time that I should have been tested for ADD which would have helped in having that degree two years ago since my great looks did not seem help in midterms and finals where I knew the material.

Where is the DRIVE?

I loved going to UMass Boston when I was learning something I liked.

Screw the test they did not prove anything except that some retain some don't but will they know it later?

No!

They'll do what I do now when I need to know something or re-remember something, Google it.

Here is how I revived the DRIVE

http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/ 

This is just a tidbit of things I have read from her bolg that have inspired me to be back and stay back with you folks who happen to stop by.

"And, this pretty much covers everyone, right? The super-focused and the super-lost: You should all be blogging."

Having small children is chalening but watching a grandchild get shit for just being a kid in your child's care is nothing to brag about.

Watching your children having a good life then watch it get washed away not by flood or hurricane but by things you don't want to admit to, then have to listen to stranger than the truth stories of how things got so carried away without hearing a real explanation.

What do I know?

Pretty basic.

I was disabled working in a factory for 23 years, had many perfect attendance awards one was for 11 years of perfect attendance.

No one can tell me I did not have a great work ethic.

One thing I know now I did not then was after two years your value as an employee goes up as your salary goes down.

Think about that! 

But if you do not work period, you cannot have a home or a car and my grandchild gets to have Rent-A-Center http://www6.rentacenter.com/Rent-A-Center-Home.html#1 come and take your Christmas present's monitor away then eventually everything else!

This is a tad of what was holding my post back.

It is not my health it is my broken heart.

I'm not perfect which makes it tougher for me to come up with positive things to write about.

Would love to have your imput.

One Speeding Ticket After 38 Years Driving

Drove from Revere to LA twice via Chicago, to Orlando, to Atlanta in the past 5 years and all over this country before that time; Never had a speeding ticket. 

This past August on my way to Atlanta it finally happened at two in the mornnng in Connecticut trying my best to avoid crazy traffic by leaving Revere at 11:45 PM.  I am not a fast driver by nature but tend to try to avoid bottle necks by zooming around them which in most cases takes some acceleration which is what happened in this case. 

I have been told by a friend in most states; if one is on a highway and they drive ten miles an hour over the speed limit that in most cases and found in most states that you will not get pulled over for speeding, having seen this first hand.  I am not a reckless nor an aggressive driver but often pull around bottlenecks of traffic using cation by always signaling to let others know of my intentions. 

This is what happened on the morning in question.  I did not blame the officer's concern by my speed for the safety of others nor for asking me to explain.  I thought at the time and assuming he ran my license plate he would have seen a clean driving record and that a warning would have been appropriate for the violation.  I assumed that is was a warning handed to me and was shocked to learn he sited me for speeding.

I admit am not perfect having a DWI over twenty years ago which I made a vow and stuck to it, which was never to drink and drive ever.  I paid dearly for this in more ways than one.

In all I would rate my self a very safe driver always on the lookout for the unusual,  actualy avoiding some potentially lethal situations from drivers not paying attention or who may be under the influence of something, texting, on a cell phone or trying to read.

I will apper in court expecting the worse hoping for the best.

So please drive safely our lives depend on it. 

It's About Time!

For those of you that enjoy my rants I am sorry.

There has been lots to write about just have not taken the time to do what I though I loved to do, so I spontaneously decided to get on here.

It has been a while as I can see as you can also.

My WordPress blog has gotten recent attention but my two websites have been neglected and I am about to feel like I am working again because even if you have a cause or a passion for one, you still have bills to pay. I am not going out tomorrow and finding a way to monetize this blog but I do have to get cracking the whip on my two websites and find a solution to this dyslexia.

I just finished the Sacred Heart Medical Diet and out of the 17 LBS I was supposed to loose I only lost 4LBS making me eat something real fattening today but I only had a single serving. It was a frozen slice of  a steak bomb calzone.  Before doing this diet, by the way it did manage to eliminate visible fat, I was binging while exceeding calories far beyond that of mortal men.  I was letting feelings interfere with my physical health.

Believe it or not I use to have a journal still do but what was happening with that was my life was such a bore when I would want to reference what was going on in my life a year ago on a specific day it was almost the same to the letter.  Now that the kids no longer live here and now hate me forever things have not gotten anymore exciting but it is not that I have not tried.

Read a couple of my past post and you can see I have been trying to do something with my life. My experience can help someone I'm sure and it all I have to give.

Direct Loans Getting Direct!

Do Not Know Why I Did Not Take Action Before They Did.

With All The Bailouts, Where Is Mine?  

I guess slapping my mother with my inability to fend off Polio was the first mistake?  Taking a little beautiful handsome baby boy with a great disposition barely a year old then sticking him in an Iron lung because the government did not check to see if water was safe to swim in like they would have today but knew enough to separate my mother who was pregnant with my youngest sister along with my oldest sister, leaving my father to visit me for the family.  My mother could never figure out why God would let this happen, being a devout Catholic having a former alter boy for husband is what kept it together for this lady who was bringing children like many young family's into the new prospering society after a great depression and a world war; it was a time to start producing the first round of Baby Boomers.  My mother had hope for my future after seeing an older man with the ravages of Polio who assured her that the government would pay for my education like they did his.

What Happened To My Paid Education? 

Who needed a stinking education?  I guess that was my stupid attitude since my handicap never stopped me from doing what I wanted.  I actually thought I could exercise my way out  of the ravages of this Polio.  I  never worked on my weakness in Math which kept me back twice thanks to the City of Revere and the school system.  I never got to see the eight grade but was forwarded to the ninth grade with other troubled teens by a demented junior high school principle who was convinced I was on drugs because most of my peers in this transfer were.  I remember the huge desk he sat at and pounded in front of me as he rambled on with street names of drugs I never heard of except weed, I knew about that, insisting I knew about the other drugs he was talking about.  I  was happy just to have the chance of being a grade ahead since the stigma of staying back twice did not do anything for my confidence.  The best part was being stuck in my childhood sweetheart's homeroom as her last name started with a "Z" it was the only one with the room for the Bad Boys.  I was never diagnosed with ADD since it was just coming to lite at that time although I did have my share of phycologist; focus always was and still is an issue today.  What I did not need at this time was a new school which is what happened next.  Being among this group of Bad Boys entitled me to be eligible for the regional vocational high school that was just built.  My father was a mechanic, a good one which encouraged him to open two gas stations when he was younger.  I told him that is what I wanted to take at this Vocational school.  He did not want that life for me and since I insisted he told me if I have to be in the auto industry I should do what my uncle did which was Auto-body which was also dirty but much better money.  Then I suffered phycological trauma when I was thrown in the Auto-body tool cage for two weeks while the school administration decided for me that since they were stuck with me, in the name of safety, they had no choice but to stick me in mechanical drafting.  This teacher also had Polio. He thought he could make me a better person by making me draw over and over but this lowered my grade, until I proved to his superior that he was putting undue pressure on me by having a previously A graded paper by a peer giving me an B- on it.  I wanted to get into architecture and was offered to be personally trained by the other teacher but did not want special treatment sticking it out for the rest of the semester. After that semester I was seventeen and my family was  moving to another town into our first house after living in the Revere projects most of my life. My little sister and I started  going to a high school made for the three towns surrounding it.  This school you could say is responsible for my first ever published article but I would once again experience more trauma because I said the word shit while explaining something about my writing to the English teacher.  That was it, I was going to be a writer by working in a factory that made photo typesetters?

So Much For Trying To Be A Writer In A Factory!

I got my GED and the factory paid for my college education and books.  Before outsourcing became the new trend and unions were actually not a good thing I actually helped put my self out of a job by facilitating a team that found out how to reduce the cost of manufacturing photo typesetters.  Then cheaper technology put everyone out of work causing the downsizing trend.  After 23 years with this company, although their timing was a bit off letting people go two weeks before Thanks Giving and in my case I was in process of buying my first home, they laid me off with a great severance package.

Eventually this Polio crap caught up to me stemming from an accident I had on the job about 5 years before they let me go.  I went from what would take a quick paced walk to catch up to me to a slower than a turtles pace which I'm at now which is an improvement over walking on my ankle which I was doing before corrective surgery enabled me to walk on the soul of my foot.  With an under active thyroid battling weight gain is a daily struggle along with high blood pressure.  I'm sorry but this to me is a disability.  The Mass Rehabilitation Commission thinks that I do not deserve my SSDI check and have been doing their best to get that money back because drug addicts and alcoholics are worse off than a man who now admits he has a physical problem unlike drugs and alcohol which come from a choice, Polio was not a choice. 

It Doesn't Get Much Better Than Today!

Actually it does get better than this but this day here is the best so far.  

The traffic is not bad yet. It gets crazy at this house as far as noise levels go.  Being ten feet away from a two lane highway near an intersection that takes you to the  World Famous Kelly's Roast Beef & Seafood on Revere Beach the first public in America things can get hectic for those of us who live blocks away. Some of us hate the nice weekends for this very reason.  It doesn't need to be as warm as is today to before things get out of hand at the intersection in front of my house.  Everyone who stops there is different, some are to busy talking on their cell phones to notice the green arrow even though the traffic all being stopped is a cue for some but most are clueless then the impatient ones lay on the horn, then there is the road rage freaks who actually get out of there vehicles then they become what they were so pissed about. The best thing is vehicles can only get on the beach from this intersection.  The street itself is a two way from Kelly's parking area.

I was really hoping the nice day and empty house would help inspire some words out of me.  I do write this blog for you and want to make it interesting for all visitors.

Monday was the day I thought was going to start the Summer.  I had all the windows open but was cautioned by the weather man that it was going to rain later but did not remember him saying anything about the drop in temperature.  Tuesday sucked Wednesday was nice but could have been a lot warmer.  Yesterday was a start of warm up that may end tonight.

THE M&T's REUNION.

Did you have enough of the weather?  Let me tell you what happened this past Monday evening besides me having to close all the windows and put the heat back on which I wouldn't think of doing right now.   I have no idea who reads this blog and what the average age is but I have a couple of questions to people my age.  Did you hang around a specific corner when you were a teen?  Did you ever think of having a reunion with the folks that hung around that corner?  37 years later someone from our corner thought up this great idea and somehow pulled it off. To top it off someone from the corner even had a downed by the economy restaurant that was so slow on Mondays he opened it for this event.  The woman who ran the event was a very close friends to my wife and I when we  were young and free.  My wife had to be in the house before the streetlights went on which was my fault as one night, when she had to be in by nine O'clock, we fell asleep cuddling very close to her house.  Her parents were very strict, obviously.  I was allowed to be with my wife but was not allowed in the house.  Who knows why they had these rules because when my wife went in she could stay up until the sun rose.  My parents were not as strict as long as I was not grounded for something.

M&T's was opened till 9:00 and Tom let us hang around the store after hours as long as we kept it down, the noise that is.  If things got too noisy we went to the Whelan School which could keep a larger crowd dry on a rainy night but I do not remember them.  Actually I do not remember much from those days except that we did hang out together for hours.

When we got to the reunion the rain that was coming down along with the thermostat altering temperatures. The woman who put this thing together was having a cigarette with the woman who was her sidekick or partner in crime or what ever it was they were up to back then because they were always up to something.  Seeing them together was something that was expected but wearing very strong glasses? I doubt I would recognize either one of them if I bumped into them anywhere but this reunion.  I really did not care to stand in the rain though I do not mind occasional second had cigarette smoke, but went inside. 

This is what I looked like back then but how would these folks remember or recognize me now?  I still walk with crutches!  The reason I mention this is because when I walked into the restaurant there was this biker wearing a black skullcap with a Harley Davidson emblem on it sitting at the end of the bar with a long thinned out ZZ-Top beard staring me right in the eye with a smirk.  I  asked, "You know me?" he said, "you're Michael Cantone."  He then asked, "You know me?"  I must have burnt out my internal flash drive seeing if I could picture this guy 37 years earlier.  I pride myself on my recollection of faces and or anything analog for that matter but I was stunned that I was stumped as I would be later on in the evening.   I asked, "Who are you?" He said, "I'm not telling you."  I turned to my wife for assistance she managed to remember.  Then there were the folks even after 37 years didn't change much. Here we were all together in this restaurant.  It was ten dollar per couple which included food and a cash bar.