Wednesday, April 24, 2013

I Have No Idea Of What To Do

As the age of 60 nears let me tell you even though emotionally distraught I still feel like 30 something.

Yesterday's writing in my other blog was a realization it takes much longer than making a journal entry.  Wish I could tell YOU everything that has happened since September 22, 2010.

After promising myself to start using my LLC by deciding to set up an office in my basement by January 1, 2011 that project held back by my Boomerang daughter who had much deeper problems as an actual 30 something who needed the room where my new office was planned to be built.    

My youngest daughter had a job at that time and was hanging in the basement with the man who she made her son with in 1990, my grandson.  This hanging in the basement was going on for quite some time for which I was in protest of and arguments of which nearly cost my marriage of 35 years at that time. 

The routine was, and varied by 2 hours, at or around 5:00 PM they would come in with a bag of food hang down there in the one room with 1 twin sized bed with cable TV.  They let the dog out to pee and poop until it was time for the father to take their son who was out and about to his mother's house near my grandson's school.

Keep in mind this was an unfinished room that was only meant to be available for a few weeks till this family of 3 found a place to live.

Now imagine 4 years of the above. 

No longer the bread winner I had no say nor a leg to stand on with my puny SSDI Check.

Then things changed.  I love change but what was about to happen could and did effect me in a very negative way.

My daughter started coming home alone.  Sometimes real early or real late.  The dog did not know whether to hold it in or wait for her master.  The dog's master was often too tired to take her loud barking dog out and one day jumped on the bed and peed to let her master know she had to go.

When weekends approached during this change more often than not one evening between Friday and Monday my daughter never showed up to let her dog out.    

No one knew about turning my future office into a kennel that was occasionally cleaned of her poop or pee.

No one saw what was coming my daughter eventually abandoned  her dog to go live with her new boyfriend.

I kind of became withdrawn from the events.  I was writing in my journal almost every day or up until the Monkey Mind Bullshit started flowing from my fingertips.  Speaking of tips the previous is just the tip of what was going on but basically Monkey Mind Bullshit.

Driving to California once again finally making it to a Route 66 festival on the desert in 2012 alone was a major break through for me not quite breaking out to be that writer.